My Before Pic

Okay, I admit this picture, may be the worst of me ever!

Don't laugh!! ha ha

Back on the wagon!

Yesterday I started back on the weight loss journey. I have lots of weight to lose....lots! The other day I was getting ready for a bridal shower and had NOTHING to wear! I tried on a skirt I wore before I got pregnant and the damn thing didn't even go over my thighs! UGGHHH! I am 30 pounds heavier from pre pregnancy weight.....and I feel every pound...esp in my gutt. and I had 30 more pounds to lose before I even got pregnant....so I need to lose at least 60 pounds! I will post a "before" pic soon. Wish me luck on my journey! I am going to need it!

10 years

10 years ago today we tied the knot.....we have accomplished a lot in our 10 years....a house, 4 kids, a van, staying married.....

I know many times we almost gave up.....but we kept it together...... Since we just had a baby....we really can't do too much to celebrate.....It would be nice if we could like...go to Hawaii or something. : )

Last year we went to The Melting Pot and really enjoyed ourselves and so we are going there again. We are also going to watch a movie! Yay! I am so excited! Eclipse is going to be so fun....even if I am bringing my 6 week old baby!

Happy Anniversary!

Maddie's first haircut

Maddie did great during her first haircut! She whined just a little in the beginning but then settled down and let the lady do her job. She really needed her ends trimmed...and she has bangs!

1 month

My Gracie Jade is 1 month old already. That means I only have 2 more weeks of maternity leave and then I am back to working full time night shift at the hospital. This time has flown by. I can't believe I will be going back to work so soon. I wonder how the laundry will ever get done.

I had been calling my gorgeous baby Amazing Grace......and now many times I call her Grouchy Grace. She won't let me do much around the house. She wants to be held! all. the. time. She is quite happy and content when someone holds her....put her down and in 10 minutes flat she is wailing. At least I can empty the dishwasher and go to the bathroom in 10 minutes!

Today I haven't even brushed my teeth yet...and it is 6pm.....I figure I might as well wait until bedtime now! Life in this household is still pretty busy. I am trying to pump in my "spare time" so that I will have a stash of breast milk to give her while I am gone. I am still not getting into a groove with that. It is such a hassle. So far I have a whopping 14 oz frozen....and like I said in a previous post....if she would breast feed every 1-2 hours maybe I would have more milk to pump!

At one month old:

She has a touch of baby acne or newborn rash...
and Ervin has said she doesn't look like an alien anymore...
and she is starting to really fit into her 0-3 month clothes...
and her eyes are open more...

Mad Dog

Madelyn is 20 months old tomorrow. She has grown into a curious little toddler, as she should. She is definitely the #1 messer in the house. This month she became an older sister....and so far has taken her duties as older sister well. She really genuinely cares about our new baby Gracie.


She still does not talk much... but in the morning when I take her out of her crib she says "hi" to me....and she calls me Mommy now! She understands everything I tell her and secretly takes everything around her in. She is the funniest little thing. The other day I was trying to get her out of the van and she had ran to the very back where I couldn't reach her. I tried everything to lure her out... guess what worked?.....I told her I had chocolate......and she was out of the van in 2 seconds flat! I guess she gets that love from her mommy.

If you look closely at the last pic, she has a huge bruise on her forehead. She is accident prone! She fell running down our driveway and slammed her head into the concrete. She is strong. She cried just a little bit. I made her put ice on it...but she ended up eating the ice.....I didn't make her take a nap that day because I wanted to keep a good eye on her, she kept going and going all day....and finally...at 5 pm she falls asleep on the family room floor.

I miss my ME and MADDIE days when it was just me and her. I really miss her. I feel like I don't hold her as much....or hug her as much....or sing to her as much....since the baby has been born...

I try to make some time for her every day.....and hopefully I am still the mommy she has always known.....

Love you Mad

The Dark Side

Yeah, I was on the dark side for awhile....but I am feeling better. Writing really does release stress. Life right now is hard.....but I realize that others have it worse.

It sucks to sob in front of your kids. The look of pity coming from your children makes you realize you need to suck it up. Even my 20 month old gave me that pity look. It really does open your eyes.

I have been feeling lonely and isolated...partly because my husband has been spending lots of his time building a play set. I think it is great that he is doing that for our kids.....but the timing kind of sucked. He is almost done...thank God. The kids will have something to do and he will be able to help out a little more. Did I mention that he sold his motorcycle and with that money he bought the play set? That is pretty awesome.

I am not used to my new life....but I will get there. Hopefully every new day will get a little easier.

Thanks for the support!