what is weight watchers?

I am not doing so hot with this whole weight loss thing. The whole month of June was a bust. I don't know why I am in such a funk. Lately I just have been more tired and hungry all of the time and I want to eat everything in sight. I have been going to Taco Bell like crazy.....I have been there more this month than in the last 2 years! I feel like I am out of control. My goal this summer was to lose 20 pounds.....that is now out of the question. Then I thought........well maybe I should just try to maintain.....I am always either gaining or losing......never maintaining....WHY is that? I weighed myself when I woke up and saw that I was about the same weight. So that is good. But where did all of my excitement and will power go?

I was afraid of this phase in my weight loss journey.....this is the part where I lose 25 pounds.......I start feeling better.......I am actually looking better.....people comment on how great I look......I get more confident.......I feel happy...............and then I fall off the wagon! I start slacking on eating the right points......I start giving in to cravings........I start getting stressed out over food......and then I just stop the program all together. I have done this several times in the last few years. I don't want it to happen again! So TOMORROW!!!! I am starting a new week.......I am going to get back on track. I refuse to lose this battle! Wish me luck!!!!

Another one in the hospital

So, now my dad is in the hospital too! He had a colonoscopy last week and ever since he has had some really bad abdominal pains. He went to the ER today and they also admitted him. So, at this moment, both of my parents are in the hospital and my father in law is in the hospital.

My mom is stable, doing well. She is going to have an EGD done tomorrow to find out where the bleeding is coming from. She is being transfused with platelets before the procedure so that her risk of bleeding is decreased since her platelets are so low.

Ervin's dad is much better today. He is off the ventilator and is awake and alert. He may go home in a couple of days.

My dad is going to have more tests done tomorrow. The doctors don't know why he is having all that pain.

They are all at 3 different hospitals too. I feel like I have been in a hospital all day today!

No weigh in this week

So, this week started out pretty good, then the weekend was a bust. I have been overeating and I don't know why! It is driving me crazy. I have come too far to be going back to fat! UGHHH!

So, yesterday was one of the worst days. I just kept eating and eating.....I think I ate like a whole box of cereal! There is some drama going on though which I think may be the culprit for yesterday. My FIL is in the ICU on a ventilator due to COPD. His lungs were full of fluid and he couldn't breathe. My mother in law said by the time they got to the hospital he was blue and unresponsive....they panicked and didn't call 911, they drove to the hospital....it is good they only live like 10 mins away. Then, my mom goes to the emergency room and is admitted to the ICU for a GI bleed. She had been feeling weak and dizzy and was having black stools for 3 days. She was really pale also. Her hemoglobin was 7 and she was transfused with 2 units of blood. All of this in one day! I don't know what the heck is going on with our parents! I didn't realize how much I depend on food for emotional support and stress. I really need to work on that.

Anyway, I didn't want to weigh in this week because I just couldn't face the music of what I had done this past week. I am going to start anew this week....are you all tired of me saying that? At least I haven't totally given up right? : )

Crazy Eight

Maddie turned 8 months old yesterday. She is growing like a weed. She has learned how to scream and squeal this month. Any time she wants our attention, she just screams...not cries..... just screams.....it is kind of cute right now....I don't know how long it will be cute.....but cute for now. Her hair is starting to get into her eyes so we have started the Pebbles look....I think it is cute...Jacob and Allie had their yearly check ups at the pediatrician. I am happy to announce that they are normal. Allie got 4 shots and she didn't even cry. She is a strong girl. The nurse was really nice and Allie said she wanted to be strong for the nurse and for me! She weighs 42.6 lbs. and is 43 in. She is in the 50th percentile for both height and weight. Jacob weighs 69.8 pounds and is 51 in. He is in the 90th percentile in both. The doctor says he is pretty big for his age and is good and solid. He lost a front tooth this month too. He is talking a little funny now and I think he looks adorable.

Crash! Bang! Boom!

So, I am at Trader Joes with my THREE KIDS. Maddie was fast asleep when we arrived so I just placed the bucket seat on top of the cart like I have done hundreds of times. I was browsing in the frozen food section when all of a sudden Bang! the cart starts to turn over and Maddie falls off the cart and onto the floor seat and all! I was totally mortified! My 2 hyena kids were playing on the cart and tipped it over. I couldn't believe my eyes. Poor Maddie woke up from her nap at that point. She didn't cry and she seems normal as of now. Can you imagine my humiliation! Just give me the award for the worst mom ever! Jacob and Allie just kept blaming each other. I just wanted to leave the store! YES, I have seen the do's and don'ts signs on the cart.....I just didn't ever think that it would happen to me! After she fell I took her out of the seat and buckled her in the cart......I was shaking like a leaf! 1. I was scared that she was hurt. 2. I was so embarrassed. Everyone was looking at me! 3. I was so angry at my two other kids for never listening to me at the store! I don't know why I think it is a good idea to bring all of your kids to the grocery store. Every time I regret it! Ohhhh the humiliation! I guess I should just be thankful my poor infant child was not broken! Our summer is off to a great start huh? I hope the next few weeks go better!

I fell off the wagon

I gained another 0.6 lbs. because I eat too much!!!! I have been off the wagon since Friday June 5th....I have so much guilt and I feel just disgusting! Today I did get back on track...well the beginning of the day was a great day.....then that 2p-5p snacky time came.....I did snack on something healthy...almonds......but I ate too many! Then after dinner we went to this small town ice cream shop.....so I am about 15 points over on my daily allowance for today. I just wanted to do better.........I was starting "fresh" again today! Oh wells...there is always tomorrow right! I did go to kickboxing class today....I did one thing right....and I started journaling again today. Journaling is what keeps me on track! When I stop journaling.....everything in sight goes into my mouth...hungry or not.

I joined a weight loss contest at work to motivate me to get back on track and do better. So hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day!

Right at this moment.....I feel so bloated and gross. I hate that feeling. I need to remember this feeling........

Allie's Dance Recital

Allie had her first dance recital last Saturday. Of course, she did a terrific job. She was the best one out there! LOL... The recital lasted 3 hours....it was LONG! But, we had a great time....and we were so proud of our little girl. She is growing up so fast!

Allie is the first one on the left